Day 874: I Can't Help it!

Have you ever used the words "I can't help it"? Most people have.

There is a very particular design attached to these words, and that is the abdication of self responsibility. Have a look at your memories of the moments in which you used those words. You were probably trying to prove/show to someone how you were not actually in control of something at all and that you are entirely justified in your righteous fury. And that's an interesting part of the design: you will create the experience/belief of righteousness within you that, in a way, fuels your belief that you are absolutely not responsible for whatever just happened.

Usually there was actually a way that you could have prevented the entire experience that fits the basic description above simply be planing ahead, doing something you know you should have done or taking a few moments to consider alternate possible futures to the one you initially envision. (On a side note, the vision you usually will envision is probably going to be your best case scenario, or sometimes your worst case scenario) Many people are rather terrible at considering different potential futures. We tend to imagine a specific future and go into a sort of 'tunnel vision' where no other possibility even enters our minds.

Sometimes you did do everything to prepare as best as you were able, yet still experienced an outcome that you responded to with a "I can't help it...". Obviously not everyone will immediately be able to calculate all future possibilities and take every single relevant fact or possibility into their consideration, but that doesn't meant that you can't learn from "failures". Responding to an undesirable outcome by abdicating your responsibility within the point also abdicates your ability to learn from the event effectively, because you are not seeing the event clearly in terms of what actually happened, but rather you are seeing through the veil of your inner experiences of righteousness and blame. You will be interpreting the event in such a way that you will be assigning blame to circumstances or people around you, rather than seeing clearly exactly where and how you participated in creating the outcome, as well as where you potentially may have avoided it.

So, if you ever see yourself using the term "I can't help it..." or "I can't help that I ..." or "I can't help that..." - stop right there! Do not pass go! You know exactly where this road will lead, you know exactly how the future will unfold, you know exactly how you will feel and what you will say. Ask yourself: Do I want to get caught up in another self fulfilling prophecy where I will most likely never learn from my mistakes, or learn how I could improve myself?

If you want to change this pattern - recognise firstly that the fact that you are reacting by attempting to abdicate your responsibility immediately indicates to you that there is some point within yourself that this experience has revealed that you, for whatever reason, want to avoid / not take responsibility for. This can be caused by any number of things including self definition, limiting self beliefs, shame, not wanting to admit your mistake or wrongdoing, etc etc. Identify what you're trying to avoid - this will bring you to the gift within this experience. Once you see what you need to take responsibility for - own it. Find a way to learn from it, apply it to potential future events, get to know yourself better - these are all possible gifts that you can give to yourself by facing yourself within your experiences of the word responsibility.