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Sunday, September 7, 2014

Day 594: Name 6 Ways You're Better than a Chicken

Name 6 ways we're better than chickens...

You can't, can you? That's because chickens are decent people. 

- This is a quote from a George Carlin show from 1996, Back in Town. 

As usual, dearly departed George was spot-on. Sure, roosters love raping hens and chickens in general love eating eggs (and the occasional aborted fetus), but that's nowhere near as f-ed up as humans can / have been.

  • Chickens don't force other chickens to labour for them for no wages (and also rape, torture & kill on a whim).
  • Chickens don't trick and cheat other chickens to make more chicken money (I say "chicken money" because our money may as well be chicken money since we made the whole 'money' thing up anyway)
  • Chickens don't kill plants and other animals to expand their chicken holdings to make more chicken money to drive fancy chicken cars while their chicken employees barely earn enough to survive
  • There are no chicken mass murderers
  • Chickens do not go to war
  • Chickens do not develop weapons of mass destruction (or any weapons for that matter)
  • Chickens do not enslave other species for personal chicken profit
  • Chickens do not develop products that they sell to their fellow chickens, knowing full well that those products are not everything they're cracked up to be, and they may even kill the chicken consumers
  • Chickens do not pretend to give each other rights that turn out to only be applicable if the chicken in question has enough money to buy said rights
  • There are no chicken pedophiles
  • Chickens do not steal each other's organs to sell for chicken money
  • Chickens do not lie
  • Chickens do not manipulate
Sure, sometimes chickens are a bit mean to each other and steal each other's  worms, but there is no malice in their actions.

Humans, on the other hand...

We are evil f-ers. We seem to be incapable of being honest, especially with ourselves. We all seem to have multiple personality disorder seeing as how no one is ever exactly the same in different situations. We still call ourselves "good people" even after allowing venomous, spiteful thoughts to exist within us. Well, I think I'd rather be a chicken.

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