Day 565: Living in a Horror Movie

I can hear explosions as I write this. They are so close, the furniture rattles and the lamps shake. There’s talk of a ceasefire, but it doesn’t feel like it here. I am living in a horror movie.
I keep thinking about the fact that Gaza was already in a terrible state before these bombings. Unemployment was high, food aid was common, people were living in poverty. So you can imagine how much worse it is now.
My daughter Joudi is only 5 and already has been through three of these bombardments – first in my womb in 2008-09, then in 2012 and now in 2014. I can see the question marks in her eyes. What do I tell her? Is there an adequate word to describe this situation?
At least we’re alive. The park behind our apartment building was bombed and the explosion rocked the whole area. The noise was deafening. There isn’t a single street in Gaza that’s safe.
The other morning we saw we were really low on milk. My husband ventured out to a nearby store. While he was away my heart pounded with worry and I watched for him every second he was gone. Turns out that the errand was all for nothing. The store was out of milk. Now we have to find other options for feeding our baby. - Salon

What possible reason could justify the things we do? What could justify the horrors we unleash on each other?

Religion? What kind of God would want people to kill and maim each other? What kind of God would create such a diverse planet and set of life forms and then desire to see one wipe out the other?

Country? What people want war - especially when they know exactly what price they may pay as their leaders sit safely tucked away in their mansions? Is it truly the people who desire it, or is it the sly maneuverings of the powerful elite?

Race? What has the colour of your skin to do with the choices you make, the words you speak or the life you want?

Protection? How does war protect? The only purpose it serves is to put a few powerful people in better or worse positions than they were in before - It has nothing to so with the people or the country.

And what of us, who sit passively by and bemoan the inevitability of conflict? We, who are unable to settle even the smallest of conflicts in our own lives for we claim to have no control over our selves, our thoughts and our bodies? In all of the things in all of this world that we created we claim to have no control over, we feel powerless to change anything. This is simply untrue. It may be difficult to change and it may require that we all step outside our comfort zones and push ourselves in ways we never thought possible - but it is possible. We can stop the conflict, within ourselves, in our relationships and in the world. It will require that we learn to stop and breathe before we speak or act. It will require that we first let go of our anger and frustration before we speak or act. It will require that we learn to look at every aspect of a situation and focus on solutions that will be the most beneficial to all parties involved. We will make mistakes. We may face moments in which we feel we cannot go on. We may stumble to find our footing. We may do all this, but we must endure and change, for our own sakes and for the sake of this life we all share.