Day 373: The Parent is ALWAYS Responsible

A mother has described the torment of having a son with severe ADHD, admitting that if he were an animal, she would have him put down.

Jenny Young has four children aged 25, 23, 19 and 10 and astonishingly, not only have they all been diagnosed with the behavioural disorder, but she too was told she had it in her mid-forties.

But it is her youngest child Ryan, 10, who suffers with the most extreme symptoms of the condition as well as severe learning disabilities, subjecting Jenny to daily violent attacks.

She said that because she is his mother, and not a pet owner, she must put up with it.

Jenny explained that she is the main target of his frustration and that if Ryan, who has the mental age of a two-year-old, were her husband they would have divorced by now.

She added that people should not judge her for her comments until they have heard her story.

Jenny said that she used the example of putting a dog down because she has a member of the family who went through the traumatic experience of having their dog euthanised after they could not control its violence.

'It was a horrendous traumatic experience for the whole family. They worked really, really, hard and did everything they could possibly do for [the dog].

'They spent lots of money and put lots of effort in and ultimately they had the choice to have her put down.

'I don't liken Ryan and the dog exactly but there is a choice. When you have a dog that behaves [violently] and might attack you any minute, you have a choice.

'I wouldn't be without Ryan but [ I was trying to make the point] that when you're the mother of a child like Ryan there is no choice. There isn't a refuge for battered mums - you have to get on with it.

Jenny made the startlingly frank comments on ITV's This Morning.

Her oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was ten. Before then people excused his behaviour as 'just being a boy'.

Jenny said: 'It was a relief [when he was diagnosed] because he wasn't just being naughty.'

She then went on to recognise the same traits in her other children.

Jenny added that her late diagnosis of ADHD has helped her to relate to her children and ultimately to cope with her situation.

She said: 'If you've got an ADHD mind it's difficult to to understand those who don't have an ADHD mind.' - Mail Online

So, apparently behavioural problems have nothing to do with environmental influences and everything to do with mysterious factor "X". It is odd to me that the mother is surprised that she influenced her children at all - she was, after all, diagnosed with having ADHD herself.

It seems as though no one knows anything about human behaviour - how it is learned, why it is retained or why it is reproduced. If we did then there wouldn't be any abnormal behaviour.

Familial abnormal behavioural patterns are just that - patterns, a series of chain reactions that go on and on and on. The parents do something that imprints on the child, the child then responds with some reaction based on his or her interpretation of the parent's action, the parent then reacts to the child in some way which either reinforces or rejects the child's behaviour, either of which can lead to the behaviour becoming more deeply ingrained in the child, which ensures that the parent continues to react.

It is the responsibility of the parent to provide the child with a supportive environment, free from emotional reactions and outbursts as the child is simply not equipped to deal with that. Children have no other option available to them other than to integrate whatever their (underdeveloped and lacking understanding) interpretation of an event may be. A child who is playing with some object that he or she should not be playing with does not expect his/her parent to scream at him/her for simply enjoying him/herself with whatever object is at hand. What is a child supposed to do with an unexpected and inexplicable outburst from their parent? That, dear reader, is child abuse.

It is the responsibility of the parent to understand the development of their child, as well as the limitations of the child's abilities to process information and events - the child requires guidance in his/her interpretation, which is a thing that so many parents fail to provide. No one can blame a child for developing behavioural problems if they were not guided in a supportive or effective manner - the parent is always responsible.