Day 346: Why do I Feel so Down?

Any one of us can relate to those days when we just don't feel like living, enjoying life or being happy. Everything becomes a chore, everyone becomes an irritant chafing against raw skin. We feel dead inside, like there is a black hole that has sucked away all of our feelings, leaving us with a tingling numbness. Sometimes we feel detached from ourselves, as if we are floating in a little bubble outside of our body watching the "me" over there talk and walk and breathe and live.

Allow me to ask this question: where does this depression come from? Why do we experience these spells of sadness, or emptiness?

You probably don't know the answer. The scary thing is that not even the so-called "experts" know the answer - they have plenty theories, sure, but no real answers that make 100% sense. The reality is that we all really should know what is going on inside us and how it came to be - we should know exactly which thought triggered the depression. One would think that psychologists and psychiatrists and whatever other specialists would know what is going on. They don't. I am studying psychology and no one has a clue. I say this with the utmost respect (not) for their efforts (series of opinions), but even those who start touching the edges of something that actually makes sense tend to teeter off, back into the abyss of gibberish.

The most widely accepted reason for the existence of depression, or any abnormal state for the human, is that there are a variety of factors that could contribute to whatever the condition is, but there is no way to know which factor is prominent or even relevant at all.

We should know why we feel the way we do. We should know why we think the things we think. How is it that we don't know ourselves well enough to be able to say with certainty exactly what triggered each and every experience within ourselves?

How much are we influenced by the things that go on around us? How much do our environments influence who we were, who we are and who we will become? How much do genes influence our personalities and thoughts? Do we control our thoughts, or do our thoughts control us? Are our thoughts separate from us? Is depression a disease, or is it simply some dis-ease within us that is as yet unidentified? How far do our thoughts influence our moods? Are moods the controlling factor of our experiences, or do we determine our moods as well?