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Monday, February 29, 2016

Day 1001: The Age of Consequence

We have come to a time where we must face that which we have created in ourselves and in the world.

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Sunday, February 28, 2016

Day 1000: Where Focus Goes Energy Flows

That which you give attention to is that which will grow. Your attention serves as nourishment, and you will create whatever it is you are focusing on - be it a thought, habit, goal or otherwise.

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Saturday, February 27, 2016

Day 999: There is Only ONE Answer

Sometimes we get stuck on believing that there is only one possible answer or solution to a question or problem. In doing so, we become rigid and inflexible and often miss other points of consideration that may change how / what we see.

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Friday, February 26, 2016

Day 998: Pushing Your Point Across

If you speak to someone with an aggressive or pushy persona, that person will most likely throw the same persona right back at you. How can you change this dynamic?

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Thursday, February 25, 2016

Day 997: Symptom Suppression vs Cure

We have the bad habit of tending to try and manage symptoms of the problems in our lives, rather than investigating and addressing the cause(s) of those problems.

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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Day 996: Can't or Won't

When you say that you can't change yourself within a point, is it because you can't, or won't?

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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Day 995: Smart People Find it Easier to Lie to Themselves

People who have above average intelligence can often be their own worst enemy. They can twist and wriggle their way out of any situation and come out the other side believing that they are pure as the driven snow, regardless of the real effects of their actions. How can you support yourself to stand within self honesty, rather than allowing yourself to believe the lies you tell yourself?

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Monday, February 22, 2016

Day 994: Creator, Created

How are you both the creator and the created of your life and experiences? Are you the person you want to be, living the life you want to live?

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Saturday, February 20, 2016

Day 993: Opportunities for Growth in a Relationship

Have you ever noticed how you tend to choose a partner who will either protect or challenge your "weaknesses"? Do you hide inside yourself or take the opportunities to change?

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Friday, February 19, 2016

Day 992: The Meaninglessness of our Education

How much of what you learned in school is actually relevant to real life? How often does the school system encourage students to question or challenge the content of their studies? What is the meaning in having students learn their textbooks word-for-word, without any real understanding or ability to apply the concepts in real life?

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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Day 991: Spinning in Your Emotional Experience

How do you actually hold yourself within your emotional experiences?

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Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Day 990: The Flow of Inevitable Change

Some things in life are certain. Death? Absolutely. Taxes? Mmmmaybe. Change? For sure.

Why do we still try so hold on to how things were or are? We have the potential to move, flow and adapt to the changes of life, and yet we hold ourselves back in the old.

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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Day 989: If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now

How often do you look back on your life and wonder what would have happened if you knew then what you know now? How often do you hold yourself hostage to these projections, unwilling to let go of that perpetual 'what if?'?

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Monday, February 15, 2016

Day 988: More than Meets the Eye

What do we really know about the world, about life? Not a whole hell of a lot. So why do we cement ourselves in certain views, opinions and beliefs, and refuse to budge?

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Sunday, February 14, 2016

Day 987: The Ups and Downs of You & Your Facebook News Feed

Isn't it funny how you can see an image that shows great pain and causes a deep sadness within you one moment, and the next moment see an image or video of a kitten and your heart soars with warm and fuzzy feelings..? Who are you within the roller coaster of your emotional ups and downs?

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Saturday, February 13, 2016

Day 986: Do it Right and Do it Now

Do you tend to lash out at people when you're in a mood? Do you become impatient and unreasonable? Why do we access these destructive patterns when we feel low within ourselves?

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Friday, February 12, 2016

Day 985: Remember What's Important

Sometimes we get so caught up in all the things we're doing in our day to day lives that we forget to connect with each other and those beings in life we share this world with. Don't forget to make the time to connect with the beings around you.

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Thursday, February 11, 2016

Day 984: Foundational Finances

Why is it so rare for children to be taught how to manage money in a practical and responsible manner? Why do we not prepare children for one of the most fundamental parts of functioning in our society?

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Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Day 983: How Dare You Question Me?!

How do you respond when someone questions or corrects you? How do you behave when you question or correct someone else? How do we limit ourselves by reacting with defensiveness when someone makes suggestions or corrections?

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Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Day 982: Are You Listening?

We often impose our personal interpretations onto the world around us - this can be seen especially in our relationships with animals. Animals are unable to speak for themselves using our method of communication (words) and so must rely on their behaviour to try to communicate. We, though, have the tendency to completely ignore their behaviour and place our own interpretation of the situation onto them.

Let's use horses as an example. They can be flighty, silly, dramatic and sometimes a little dull - or so we think. We make the mistake of judging them as humans. Actually, we make the mistake of judging them, period. When you judge someone or something, you are essentially imposing your views, opinions and beliefs onto them, and in so doing you close yourself off from really looking, really listening and really being open to hear what they're saying (whether they're saying it in word or deed). We see the behaviour of others through our own perceptions - we do not fully immerse ourselves within who they are.

With horses, we often fail to take into consideration that they do not think the same way we do, they do not have the same drives, they do not interpret the world around them in the same way. And yet, we label them with very human qualities such as being defiant, dominant, stupid and more. How can we be open to seeing through their eyes, feeling their discomfort and tuning into their emotions if we have already judged them as being this or that?

I recently experienced this kind of moment where my mind took the reins and dismissed a horse's behaviour of showing his physical discomfort as being him just being "naughty" and a "drama queen" as he was acting up in his stable while getting repellent wiped on. He had been perfectly well behaved every time he was dipped for years before that - so I assumed that he was just full of the joys of summer and being difficult because he felt like it. It turned out that, when I checked on an itchy spot a day or two later up in his thighs, he actually had some dried up skin flaking off. Well did I feel like an idiot and an a**. The repellent, for whatever reason, had burnt his skin - enough for the very top layer to dry up and fall off. Of course it could have been much worse - it was very mild and could be equated to getting a rather rough facial exfoliation - but it was more than enough for me to want to kick myself for not listening to him when he was saying, as loudly as he could without hurting anyone, that we were hurting him.

When I put myself in horse's shoes I find it difficult to understand how they are so patient and kind to us even when we are so utterly oblivious to what they're trying to tell us. It is rare to come across a horse that resorts to aggression. Their ability to forgive and keep giving us opportunities to change is astounding. That is the kind of patience and kindness that I strive for in all my dealings with man and animal.

Why don't we listen when these big, gentle creatures speak to us? Yes, we may not understand their language well enough - though I see that the biggest obstacle is our mind set. We automatically believe that we are right. We automatically justify our interpretations of their behaviour and refuse to consider any other possibilities. We are stubborn and self righteous, and do not like admitting that we are wrong. But who pays for our attitude? Those who are kindest, those who give us everything they have for nothing in return.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Day 981: Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People

Why do good people always seem to be on the receiving end of bad luck and terrible occurrences?

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Saturday, February 6, 2016

Day 980: Relationship Success Support: Resolving Conflict Live Counselling

Join our very first live Destonian Relationship Support counselling session! We will be covering the current challenges being faced in this relationship that include: persistent irritation with your partner, blaming your partner, projecting onto your partner, processing conflict in different ways, responding to your partner with emotional reaction instead of support and any other points that open up in the discussion. Our goal and focus will be on creating an open discussion of sharing self and self investigation, in order to work towards developing understanding and solutions. Viewers are welcome to post questions and comments during the live transmission.

Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gYwYQ9XxNc
Google Pluse event: https://plus.google.com/events/c5785fd5h8ao8m396shlbpe7t8o

The Desteni I Process Hangouts are usually held every Thursday at 19.00 UTC and 1:00 UTC (every other week)

Movie night hangouts where we review movies from a Destonian perspective are every Friday at 19:00 UTC

Want to know what 19:00 UTC is in your time zone?

You can use these free time zone converters:
http://www.worldtimeserver.com/convert_time_in_UTC.aspx
or
http://www.thetimezoneconverter.com/
or
http://www.worldtimebuddy.com/
or
http://easyclock.appspot.com/

Friday, February 5, 2016

Day 979: You Bring Out the Worst in Me

Why do we bring out the worst in our partners and close family members?

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Thursday, February 4, 2016

Day 978: From Arrogance to Humbleness

For some strange reason, we humans tend to not spend much time or effort in understanding the world, people, animals and system around us. We function very much (generally speaking) as 'direct-line thinkers' and project how we see and understand the world onto everything and everyone around us. Unfortunately, this can have some very unpleasant consequences for the people, animals and earth that are at our mercy.

We open up a chocolate bar, eat it and are left with a wrapper. What can one do with a wrapper? Not much, really. Toss it in the trash and never think of it again. In such a simple action, we miss the impact that we have on the world around us - we do not ask the question: where does the wrapper end up? Out of sight, out of mind. I would like to show in this post how this direct line thinking can influence our ability to develop effective communication and understanding with horses - because, sadly, there are so few people who make the effort to really change the way they think.

A common example of direct line thinking when dealing with horses is: if the horse doesn't do what you want, hit him until he does.

Horse won't load? Beat him into the box.

Horse needs to run faster? Hit him harder.

Horse spooks at something and wants to bolt? Hit him to get his attention.

These things are common - so common that they are often regarded as acceptable treatment of "your personal property".

We humans tend to take the shortest route from A to B - and when things don't go our way we tend to respond with anger. We blame the things around us for not doing what they're supposed to. We blame our horses for being stupid, or silly, or naughty. What do we keep missing? What are we not seeing?

Take a step back and take a wide view of these scenarios. What do you see? Let me tell you what I see:

I see horses trying to communicate their feelings to their humans in hundreds of small and different ways. I see humans ignoring their horse's messages.

I see horses who see no other way to get their point across other than resorting to extreme behaviour. I see humans punishing their horses for their desperate attempts at communication.

I see a myriad of small and large messages that horses try to express in the only ways they know how. I see no one acknowledging these messages.

Horses are always telling us things, they are always giving us information. We are the ones who must change our way of thinking and interpreting behaviour to understand the horse - not the other way around. Horses do not have our capacity for adaptation - they cannot change the way they think and behave independently in order to accommodate our shortcomings. We are the ones who are responsible for ensuring that there is a clear line of communication - and this means having a dialogue (where information goes both ways) and not a monologue (where only one party is speaking).

Most of us are not naturally skilled at interpreting the nuances of horse behaviour - it is something that must be shown to us, it must be learned by us. There are very few people who have been able to learn directly, and only, from horses. Taking on the responsibility of working with or caring for horses requires that we develop ourselves in such a way that we can start understanding the horse - because without understanding communication will be ineffective.

Allow me to paint you a picture: When I first started working with Buddy a couple years ago, I did not yet have the understanding or ability to interpret his behaviour accurately (his attempts to communicate). I therefore interpreted his responses to me as being naughty and defiant. I reached a point (thankfully it didn't take very long at all!) where I realised that I needed help - I couldn't go on having these arguments with him - more importantly, I didn't want to do things in that way. So I called up my friend and very skilled teacher, Patsy Devine of Triple H Horsemanship Center, and I asked her to come out and give me a hand. Well let me tell you, Patsy saw an entirely different picture to what I thought I had been seeing. She saw an incredibly intelligent, willing and gentle soul who just needed a slightly different approach to what I had been attempting. I felt like a complete ass. I berated myself for being so arrogant, so ignorant. I like to think that moment was the real beginning of my journey into horsemanship. From that moment on I committed myself to being more aware, more observant, more understanding and most importantly: more patient. This shift within me started changing so much. Before then I was practicing natural horsemanship, but after that moment I started living it. Of course I didn't change all of my bad habits all at once, it was the start of a process that I intend to walk for the rest of my days. I am committed to always be a student, to always be open to learn more, see more and be humble. None of this would have been possible if I hadn't met Patsy, for which I am so, so, so grateful.

It's OK for us to admit we've been wrong. It's OK for us to admit we've made mistakes. We owe it to the animals on this planet to own up to our mistakes and take responsibility for being better to them and for them.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Day 977: Confessions of a Control Freak

Ok, I'll admit it: I can be a bit of a control freak... sometimes. What is control? How does it work? Is it really the best way to go about living? Is there a better way - a less frustrating and more flexible way?

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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Day 976: The Inevitability of the Past

Trinity: Maybe we did something wrong.
Neo: Or didn't do something.
Morpheus: No, what happened, happened and couldn't have happened any other way. 
- The Matrix Reloaded

We cannot change the past - so why do we so often cling on to it for dear life? We make mistakes, we do not always see everything that's involved - this is inevitable - so why do we hold on so tight? Do you find yourself thinking you could have, would have, should have..?

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Monday, February 1, 2016

Day 975: Backchat is Never Acceptable

What is the nature of backchat? How does your mind keep you locked within your cycles of reaction, simply by using your thoughts against you?

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